Saturday, October 4, 2008

A day in the life.

Please be patient with me regarding the "blog protocol" I am just beginning. I would like very much to converse with anyone who has an interest in my brother Michael Bloomfield or any question regarding his life as seen through his little brothers eyes. In my last post I assumed that readers might have had remembrances of his humor and personality, this maybe my wish full thinking. Let me share one instance of his irascibility
I had the misfortune of having the same biology teacher he had. Vern Condon was a old curmudgeon afflicted with the shakes and a short fuse. As he read off the attendance for the first day of classes when he came across my name he yelped and said "not again, never again."
Nice beginning? I asked an aid what's with that? He then related that Michael almost sent Vern to the nervous hospital. I was then told that Mr. Condon always assigned a critter collection be it insects, butterflies, a small rodent which counted for a large part of your grade. Because the school we attended was ranked one of the top in the nation most of the critter collections were museum quality. Michael of course could give a shit. The day it was due Michael frantically searched the cabinets for a petri dish. Upon locating one he commenced to baptise it with a Huge hocker and then handed it to Vern saying "I have a whole civilization of critters for you."

Michael's parting shot was finding a human fetus in a jar, shaking it vigorously and yelling out, "it's the Gerber bouncing baby" He was suspended for that.

Michael was outrageous.

Allen B.


Laurie said...

Hey Allen,
Another great Michael story. I will think of it now when I see people spit on the sidewalk. I have even seen women do that! So lady-like. It is one of my pet peeves. Speaking of pets, how are yours ? I had such a great time at Bloomers last month. Has it been a month already? What great food! And such good company. It is always so great to get together and talk about Michael and visit with you.

Your friend in Monty,

Allen Bloomfield said...

Monty, it's our Laurie!! The Butter bean is grinning from ear to ear. How nice of you to have written.
I have to agree with you that it is not a pretty sight to see a lady send an oyster out the window.
My mother who ate Clorets constantly for fear of offending the atmosphere let alone another human had a post nasal drip. Many a time as she drove Michael and myself somewhere we would hear this
substance in her throat moving around. "Hey come on Mom let that fly." No matter how we implored her to expel the irritant she refused. After hearing her clear her throat with the regularity of a turn signal sound are polite requests turned demanding and nasty. Finally she would take from her purse a scented, embroidered handkerchief and make the deposit. There comes a time be it gas or a lug er which is so persistent and uncomfortable that social convention must be ignored.
I hope we all get together soon and Mr Monty can love you up.
Bullies Rule,
Allen B.

Nicole said...

wow dad, i can't believe you just called grams out like that on the internet. You just basically described what is probably an extremely embarrassing moment in high detail for all the world to read. Nice dad, real nice, perhaps i can do the same for you...need i remind you of your own frequently runny nose?????? hmmmm??? you're lucky grams has no clue what a blog or the internet is. also, enough with the critters story, i've heard that one a gazillion times, time to break out a new one, there has to be another funny story where you and Michael get into trouble. I'm thinking the athletic club where grandpa had a membership is a perfect setting, there is no way you two didn't wreck havoc there...

Seriously though, it's fun to read these posts, good job pops!

Allen Bloomfield said...

Dear Nicole,
Champion of the long shot, defender of the aged and in firmed let me clarify that Mom was extremely lady like in her clearing of the throat. She refused to roll down the window, lean out and hurl the wet one to the winds. It was laid to rest in a DKB hanky with grace if not flair.
As to the City Club you are as always on point. A little background, my father became a member of the Covenant Club, one of the oldest clubs in Chicago. It was a social gathering place with fancy dinning rooms and health club replete with Russian and Swedish steam rooms, handball courts, swimming pools, billiard rooms and solariums, they even had sleeping rooms and tanning rooms. As kids we swam , played in the gym and took the steam heat. After the workout we went to the dinning room for an enormous lunch. On one occasion we were there as a family for some function and being bored we waiting for the event to begin in the formal library. Michael was bored out of his mind and started spinning around on a revolving chair. Around and around he went while I encouraged him to go faster. Well he put his heart into it and became a human gyroscope. Finally he came to rest, got up and promptly fainted.
Doctors were called in, people gathered and his eye were still rolling. Smelling salts were placed under his nose and he came around. True to form the moment he could walk my dad grabbed his arm and sent him to wait in the car until we finished the event.
Poor Michael always ended up stepping on his own dick.
We were just being kids in the wrong place.
All my love Nollie, Pappy